Is this stalking?
If you’re asking yourself the question, ‘Is this stalking?’ then chances are, it probably is. This question doesn’t normally arise unless you are feeling uneasy or distressed about someone’s repeated, intrusive behaviour towards you. Never dismiss your feelings, they are there for a reason - always listen to them and investigate their root cause.
This blog outlines what stalking is, statistics about stalking, what to do if you think you are being stalked and shares resources for support.
National Stalking Awareness Week
This week, 24th to 28th April, is National Stalking Awareness Week 2023. We wanted to share some information about what stalking is and sources of support.
The Suzy Lamplugh Trust leads National Stalking Awareness Week and their theme this year is 'Standing Against Stalking: Supporting Young People', focusing on stalking amongst young people from the ages of 16 to 24 years.
However, it is important to know that anyone of any age or gender can be a victim of stalking and anyone can be a stalker.
Stalking statistics
The Suzy Lamplugh Trust say that of the people who call their helpline:
45% are stalked by ex-intimates or ex-partners
Another third are stalked by prior acquaintances.
In their 2023 survey of young people aged 16-24, statistics showed that:
30% of people were stalked by strangers
25% by ex-intimates
16% by another student
9% by someone they know on socials.
Furthermore, according to the Crime Survey for England and Wales 2020, there were:
1.5 million victims of stalking
977,000 women
526,000 men
So, people of any gender, sexuality, age, ethnicity or background can be a victim of stalking. And, the stalker may be known to you or a stranger.
What is stalking?
Back to the question ‘Is this stalking?’, the FOUR signs of stalking behaviour are helpful in determining what stalking is:
Fixated
Obsessed
Unwanted
Repeated
So, if someone is communicating or trying to engage with you in a way that is intrusive, persistent, repeated and unwanted. And that causes you fear, alarm or distress, then it probably is stalking.
Examples of stalking
Stalking is a pattern of unwanted, fixated and obsessive behaviour, which is intrusive and causes fear. It can include:
Unwanted letters, notes and cards
Sending emails and texts
Posting about you on social media
Sending gifts or flowers
Calling you at home or at work
Watching you or spying on you
Following you
Going to places where you are and watching you or trying to engage with you
Damaging your home or property
Physical or sexual assault.
Stalking can be either online (cyberstalking) or physical or a combination of both.
What should I do if I think I am being stalked?
As a good-natured person, you probably don’t want to think the worst of someone, you may dismiss your feelings as ‘I’m just being silly?’ or ‘I’m just overreacting’, you may even ignore it, hoping it will stop or go away.
However, it is crucial to listen to your gut instinct and act early, to avoid the stalker’s behaviour from escalating and causing you ongoing distress.
Stalking advice
Trust your instinct
This is one of the first things we teach in our self defence classes and online courses. In fact, you can learn more about gut instinct in our free mini-course ‘Learn the 1st secret of self defence’.
Tell someone about it
Don’t suffer alone and torment yourself wondering whether it is real or not or whether you should do something about it. Tell a partner, friend, family member or work colleague who you trust and ask for their support.
Protect yourself in daily life
Be alert and take precautions in all areas of your life.
Is your home safe? We have a free mini-course that takes you through a checklist of how to secure your home.
Be aware and safe when you are out
Try to avoid travelling alone
Vary your routines and routes
Our training and online personal safety and self defence courses give you tips and knowledge to avoid dangerous situations, stay safe and how to defend yourself, if necessary.
Protect yourself online
Don’t share what you are doing or where you are going on social media
Consider coming off social media for a while
Change your online passwords
Run anti-virus and malware checks on your computer.
Make a record of all incidents
Keep a record of all stalking incidents with the date, time and details. These could provide future evidence but in the beginning, will help you determine whether the behaviour is stalking or not. If the stalking is in the workplace, report it to human resources as soon as possible.
Do not engage with your stalker in any way
How to report stalking
Depending on which country you live in, there will be different laws and processes.
In the UK, stalking is a crime. You can either make a complaint to the police or apply for an injunction and damages through a civil court.
Our recommendation is to speak to the police in the first instance by making an appointment through the non-emergency number or contacting your local station.
If you feel in immediate danger, call the emergency services.
Be aware
Reporting your stalker is essential but you should be aware that this may not stop their behaviour. Sadly, there are cases where even after an injunction has been served or the stalker has completed a prison sentence, they persist with the stalking.
This is why we recommend being aware, alert and observant in your daily life, as well as taking personal safety and self defence training. This should mean you can avoid putting yourself in a dangerous situation and you can defend yourself physically, if necessary.
Stalking resources and support
If you are worried about stalking or wondering ‘Is this stalking?’, please seek out support. There are many organisations supporting victims of stalking worldwide. Here are some in the UK.
THE SUZY LAMPLUGH TRUST
0808 802 0300
Free UK helpline run by The Suzy Lamplugh Trust. Also, lots of free online resources and information about stalking, including an online stalking assessment tool.
PALADIN SERVICE
Information and assistance for victims of stalking in England and Wales. Features lots of helpful information about how to deal with stalking.
ALICE RUGGLES TRUST
Raising awareness of stalking and providing resources to help people affected by stalking.
PERSONAL SAFETY & SELF DEFENCE CLASSES for victims of stalking
Online and in-person personal safety and self defence classes
We have supported many survivors of stalking to regain their confidence by learning practical steps they can take to stay safe every day, and the physical techniques to defend themselves.
If you are interested in having a workshop at your business, school or in your home, please complete our enquiry form.
We have a range of cost-effective online courses that can be purchased anytime, anywhere for instant access to these crucial life skills.